Buu Saga Abridged
by withheldforprivacy
Summary: This makes more sense than Buu Saga


Kid Buu is standing on the grass sleeping. He's been asleep for 100 years, waiting for the prince to wake him  
up with a ki...whoops, sorry, wrong story.  
Goku and Vegeta are about to fight. Old Kai gives them the potara, but they break them.  
-''No thanks'' Goku says. ''A true Saiyan fights alone''.  
-''Or maybe you're just saying that because Kid Buu is in the realm of your capabilities'' Old Kai notices. ''For,  
when you were going against Super Buu, you and Vegeta had no problem becoming one for the rest of  
eternity, you homos''.  
Goku and Vegeta sweatdrop.  
-''That time was different'' Goku explains. ''Buu was also fused with others, so it was not unfair for us to fuse  
as well''.  
-''And what about teaching the kids the fusion so they could beat Fat Buu?'' Old Kai asks. ''It's not like you knew Fat Buu was a fused being yet''.  
Goku and Vegeta sweatdrop again.  
-''Supreme Kai, please, just take him away'' Goku pleads.  
-''Yes, run away from the battle, you supposed god'' Old Kai says. ''This will lead to endless debates among  
the fans about whether you're stronger than SSJ2s or not. Debates that will include personal insults and  
will continue even 20 years after the end of the series''.  
-''Oh, come on, 20 years later, Dragonball will be a dead franchise, like Transformers, Power Rangers,  
Smurfs and so many others'' Kaioshins says. ''Nobody is that pathetic to have hot debates with personal  
insults about a 20 year old franchise. I mean, people have better things to do. You know, hanging out with  
friends, enjoying some active sex life...''  
At that moment, accessing his future sight powers, Old Kai sees some of the forums' posts, where the fans  
swear against each other.  
-''Oh, ho, ho, ho, if only you knew'' he whispers.  
-''Hey, go already'' Goku yells. ''Buu will wake up soon''.  
-''How do you know when he'll wake up?'' Kaioshin asks.  
-''I've read the plot'' Goku answers.

About 20 episodes later...  
Kid Buu is dancing in the air, while Goku and Vegeta are on the ground exhausted.  
-''We've been fighting him for 5 minutes and he hasn't lost an ounce of stamina'' Goku says panting.  
-''What? We've been fighting for 20 episodes'' Vegeta says.  
-''Yes'' Goku agrees. ''At Dragonball, 20 episodes are equivalent to about 5 minutes. Haven't you watched  
Freeza Saga?''  
-''Err, no, i was dead at that point'' Vegeta says embarassed.  
-''Dead and naked'' Goku says giggling when he remembers his dream with Vegeta talking from the Other  
World.  
-''Huh? What are you talking about?'' Vegeta asks, not knowing about the filler scene. Goku's eyes wide  
open, having realized.  
-''Ohh, so you're Manga Vegeta'' he exclaims.  
At that point, a telepathetic message interrupts them.  
-''Guys, i have gathered the dragonballs'' Dende says.  
The first two wishes are used to bring back Earth and everyone killed by Buu.  
-''I know'' Goku yells in excitement. ''You'll use the third wish to bring here Gohan and Gotenks. Great idea.  
They're many times stronger than us. They'll destroy Buu''.  
-''Don't be a fool Kakarrot'' Vegeta protests. ''Can you imagine our children one shotting the villain that beat  
the crap out of us? That would make us look lame''.  
-''Then, what are we gonna do?'' Goku asks with an innocent expression.  
-''Be prepared'' Vegeta says, drumroll sounding, ''for Genki Dama''.  
-''The spirit bomb?'' Goku cries. ''The that attack couldn't kill Freeza at half power, even though i had taken  
energy from many planets? Hell, it didn't even work on you when you had a mere PL of 18.000 Is this your  
genius plan to defeat a villain whose power is at least in the billions' range?''  
-''Precisely'' Vegeta answers, very seriously.  
-''And you were saying that you don't want to look lame'' Goku comments.  
-''Shut up'' Vegeta says.  
-''Err, guys, i don't want to interrupt you'' Dende says, ''but Porunga is losing his paTenshinhance''.  
-''By the way, Dende, i never understood that thing about the dragons being so hasty to grant the wishes''  
Old Kai says. ''I mean, they only show up for the wishes. The rest of eternity is free time for them. So, why  
do they always act like busy businessmen?''  
-''Hey, don't get us wrong'' Porunga protests. ''We're pretty busy persons. For instance, today, i have a  
soccer match. Dragons versus Giants. I play as left back. By the way, my colleague, Shenron, plays as  
goalkeeper''.

Meanwhile, Piccolo, Goten and Trunks have risen their hands to give their energy to Goku. Gohan looks  
annoyed.  
-''Hey, Gohan, raise your hands too'' Piccolo says. ''But, be careful, don't give too much of your energy,  
otherwise it'll be enough to kill Buu by itself and the symbolism of the humans having to rely on their powers  
for once will be...''  
-''I can't stand this anymore'' Gohan yells.  
The other three let their hands down and look at him with WTF expressions.  
-''Can't you see that the whole Kid Buu saga is a bunch of sloppy elements put together in the last minute?''  
Gohan asks. ''It's whole purpose is to make Goku and Vegeta the heroes at all costs. I mean what about the  
symbolism of the old generation passing the torch to the new one? What was the poit of all that build up  
from Raditz to Buu Saga, if Goku was intended to save the day again anyway?''  
Goten and Trunks look at him impressed.  
-''Wow, bro, that makes sense even to me. And i'm only seven'' Goten says.  
-''I'm telling you, kids, if we don't react now, the worst is yet to come'' Gohan warns.  
-''Huh? What do you mean?'' Trunks asks.  
-''Well, i'm not proud of that, but i sneaked into Toei's headquarters and read the plot of the future movies''  
Gohan says. ''In the next movie, there will be a Godzilla like creature that will make you and me, kids, look  
like a joke. Then, Goku will pull out of his ass, the last moment, a ridiculous move with a dragon illusion and  
destroy it. Let alone what happens at the movie after that...''  
-''Tell us, bro'' Goten demands.  
-''Well'' Gohan starts in hesitation, ''you kids will be spunked by a purple cat and Vegeta will outdo your  
fusion and me in his SSJ2 state!''  
-''WHAT? HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE'' the kids ask, both at the same time.  
-''Something about an enraged boost pulled out of his ass'' Gohan says.  
-''Hey, isn't that what you do, more or less, since the series began?'' Piccolo notices.  
-''That's my point'' Gohan says. ''Only my own ass has the right to produce absurd enraged boosts. It's my  
asses copyright''.  
-''I think you're overreacting, Gohan'' Piccolo insists.  
-''Oh, really? Shall i remind you about Movie 6?'' Gohan asks. Piccolo freezes.  
-''Did i touch a nerve?'' a smirking Gohan continues  
-''I was supposed to be stronger than those two'' Piccolo coldly whispers. ''I had fused with Kami. Yet, they  
had me ragdolled by a robot and made those two the heroes. ARRGGHHH...''  
-''SO, ARE YOU WITH ME?'' Gohan yells.  
-''YES'' the other three answer.  
Gohan places his fingers on his forehead. Piccolo is shocked.  
-''Wait, don't tell me you're gonna...''  
-''Yes, i shall transport myself to the Kais' '' Gohan replies.  
-''But, Kaioken, Instant Transmission and Spirit Bomb are the Holy Trinity of techniques. Only the Mary Sue  
of the show has the right to perform them''.  
-''Oh, really? And what about Kaioshin perfroming Instant Transmission?'' Gohan asks.  
-''Well, he doesn't count, he's a god'' Piccolo answers.  
-''Yeah, some god he is'' Gohan mockingly says. ''He shat his pants over Pocus''.  
-''Actually, Puipui is his nam...'' Piccolo says, but Gohan has already vanished.

Kais' planet...  
-''Ok, just a little more energy'' Goku whispers.  
Gohan appears.  
-''Hey, son, we haven't finished the fight yet...''  
-''The fight ends now'' Gohan haughtily says. He catches Buu and squeezes his elastic body until he can fit  
in Gohan's mouth. Then, he starts chewing him like a pink gum. Finally, he makes a pink bubble that  
explodes. The same moment, everyone feels Buu's chi disappearing.

Toriyanma's office...  
-''Phew, at last, it's over'' Akira says, putting his pencil down. ''I need a vacation''.  
That moment, the phone rings. Akira picks it up. Some incomprehensible words are heard from the other  
side of the phone.  
-''No, i said no. I already did one more saga than i originally intended. Leave me alone'' Akira answers.  
More incomprehensible words.  
-''Listen, i don't care if you want to replace the golden handles at your mansion's doors with diamond ones.  
Just settle with the money you already have. I won't make another saga'' Akira answers.  
More incomrehensible words.  
-''Okay, okay, stop whining'' Akira answers. ''Maybe i write one more chapter introducing some last moment  
new characters that contribute nothing to the plot''.  
He hangs down the phone. At that moment, a servant enters.  
-''Toriyanma san, a flock of angry Goku wankers, wielding forks and torches, are outside, threatening to kill  
us'' he says.  
Akira shrieks.  
-''Dang it. I knew i'd get that for not making Goku the hero. Activate the defensive systems now'' he orders.  
The servant pulls a lever. The mines, dogs and electric fences are all activated.  
-''Whew, now we're safe''.  
No sooner has he finished these words than a couple of persons appear in front of him out of nowhere. It's  
Piccolo and Tenshinhan!  
-''Err, hi...'' Akira says.  
-''We're really mad at you'' Piccolo says. ''You always claimed that i'm your favourite character. Yet, you  
replaced me with Vegeta as Goku's arch rival. You hypocrite''.  
-''I'm even madder'' Tenshinhan says. ''I always wanted to be the strongest, at least among humans. I trained all  
day, i even sacrificed my sex life for that. Then, you just say Krillin is the strongest, sending all my efforts to  
waste. How can you have a dwarf who spends his days screwing a hot, blonde chick overpower me?''  
Akira gulps. The two warriors step slowly towards him. Then, Akira smiles.  
-''Hah'' he cries. ''I'm prepared for that''.  
He presses a button on his belt and a barrier is created around him.  
-''Hah. This barrier is a thousand times stronger than you. You'll never penetrate it''.  
-''Jokes on you dad'' Tenshinhan says. ''Have you forgotten about the amplified blasts?''  
-''What? Oh, yeah, amplified blasts'' Akira says. ''Well, i might be kinda absent minded, but i'm sure i never  
created a blast that multiplies the user's strength by 1000x''.  
Tenshinhan bursts into laughter.  
-''Yes you did. You may not remember it, but you once gave me an attack with a multiplier way above 1000x''  
-''N-no, you're bluffing'' Akira says in horror.  
-''See for yourself'' Tenshinhan yells. ''NEO TRI BEAM''

THE END


End file.
